090905
It started out beautifully, like how any fairytale would. We'd known each other since the year before, yet it wasn't until our second year as classmates did we begin to have conversations. From acquaintances we became friends, talking about how some people affected our lives. It was a pretty tough year, filled with much failing and pressure. Yet we found time to talk, and slowly but surely I became enchanted by you.
I remember our study sessions, long hours at libraries, fast-food joints or your room with others in the hope of attaining some productive revision. Alas, that didn't come as often as we'd have liked. But what were we to do? We're but mere kids, and no one likes to study like an automaton. You were always a welcome relief to the monotony of work, and I looked forward to each time you'd declare a break, since you're obviously the more hardworking of us both and I'd have felt guilty to pull you away from your work.
Thinking about it, much of our relationship was built during those revision sessions. Many would've disagreed with what we were doing I guess. Fortunately we have the results to back our sessions up, or we'd have gotten hell from many people. Looking back, the thought that maybe it was our relationship that allowed us to get those results amuses me a little, yet I know that, strange but true, that was probably true, since you were always my pillar of strength.
The start of our journey together had been marked by several obstacles, first being the national examinations. What followed next, and is still ongoing now, was national service. I remember you crying on the day of my enlistment, and how you tried to hide your tears from me. Silly girl, in quoting a song, save up all your tears each time you cry, because I'll be your rainbow when they all disappear.
I remember the first time I made you cry badly. I'd raised my temper to you on the bus, one night on the way back to your place. I hadn't meant to, honestly. It's just I get that way when people wake me up, and I regretted my actions that night deeply. After that incident I promised myself I wouldn't raise my temper at you again, and that may be why I give in to you most, maybe even all, of the time. I don't want to see that face again, that face which tells me that I've just hurt you. Yet it may have been because of that that several problems began surfacing.
Things haven't been smooth sailing throughout our lives together, especially after you entered university. I guess the change in lifestyle for you has got you all confused about how I fit into your schedule. We've had our arguments, our sadness and helpless moments. You told me it felt like we were forcing it, as though we weren't meant to be. I know we have different personalities, but I don't think anyone can find another person with identical likes and dislikes as himself/herself. Admittedly, that period of time was pretty tough for the both of us, and I lived in the fear that something tragic might happen, and I might not be able to handle it. It was, to me, the defining moment in our relationship, the make or break point where an in-between conclusion was just unacceptable. There were times I doubted you, and others when I doubted myself. In retrospect I'm ashamed at myself for ever becoming suspicious of you, but I don't think I could've controlled it at that time. It was all just a very bad time, and I've learnt that such suspicion will only lead to paranoia, and paranoia will most definitely break us.
Now, gradually, we're pulling away from those dark times. We've talked things through, and reached a consensus on several issues pertaining to us. Things are looking up, yet I know neither of us dare to look too optimistically into the future anymore. I guess this is part of growing up, when you realize that nothing is ever a bed of roses. At times you worry that I'd leave you behind when it's my turn to ener university, that some other girl two years my junior will catch my eye. I rule out all possibility of this happening, and have and will continue to stand my ground what you suggest will probably never happen. Occasionally I fear that one day we'll go back to those dark times again, that everything will slowly begin to crumble, and this eats at me like a crow slowly picking my insides. But, nonetheless, through all that we've been through, one thing still stands true - I love you, baby, and nothing's going to change that. =)
I believe we're still living a fairytale, dear, because even fairytales have dark moments. Without such dark moments, the hero will never emerge. I'll hang on to our fairytale, and hopefully a happy ending awaits the both of us.
I know this entry sounds quite sad but really it's not. I guess I was in a reflective mood, as I usually am in when I've not enough sleep.
I remember our study sessions, long hours at libraries, fast-food joints or your room with others in the hope of attaining some productive revision. Alas, that didn't come as often as we'd have liked. But what were we to do? We're but mere kids, and no one likes to study like an automaton. You were always a welcome relief to the monotony of work, and I looked forward to each time you'd declare a break, since you're obviously the more hardworking of us both and I'd have felt guilty to pull you away from your work.
Thinking about it, much of our relationship was built during those revision sessions. Many would've disagreed with what we were doing I guess. Fortunately we have the results to back our sessions up, or we'd have gotten hell from many people. Looking back, the thought that maybe it was our relationship that allowed us to get those results amuses me a little, yet I know that, strange but true, that was probably true, since you were always my pillar of strength.
The start of our journey together had been marked by several obstacles, first being the national examinations. What followed next, and is still ongoing now, was national service. I remember you crying on the day of my enlistment, and how you tried to hide your tears from me. Silly girl, in quoting a song, save up all your tears each time you cry, because I'll be your rainbow when they all disappear.
I remember the first time I made you cry badly. I'd raised my temper to you on the bus, one night on the way back to your place. I hadn't meant to, honestly. It's just I get that way when people wake me up, and I regretted my actions that night deeply. After that incident I promised myself I wouldn't raise my temper at you again, and that may be why I give in to you most, maybe even all, of the time. I don't want to see that face again, that face which tells me that I've just hurt you. Yet it may have been because of that that several problems began surfacing.
Things haven't been smooth sailing throughout our lives together, especially after you entered university. I guess the change in lifestyle for you has got you all confused about how I fit into your schedule. We've had our arguments, our sadness and helpless moments. You told me it felt like we were forcing it, as though we weren't meant to be. I know we have different personalities, but I don't think anyone can find another person with identical likes and dislikes as himself/herself. Admittedly, that period of time was pretty tough for the both of us, and I lived in the fear that something tragic might happen, and I might not be able to handle it. It was, to me, the defining moment in our relationship, the make or break point where an in-between conclusion was just unacceptable. There were times I doubted you, and others when I doubted myself. In retrospect I'm ashamed at myself for ever becoming suspicious of you, but I don't think I could've controlled it at that time. It was all just a very bad time, and I've learnt that such suspicion will only lead to paranoia, and paranoia will most definitely break us.
Now, gradually, we're pulling away from those dark times. We've talked things through, and reached a consensus on several issues pertaining to us. Things are looking up, yet I know neither of us dare to look too optimistically into the future anymore. I guess this is part of growing up, when you realize that nothing is ever a bed of roses. At times you worry that I'd leave you behind when it's my turn to ener university, that some other girl two years my junior will catch my eye. I rule out all possibility of this happening, and have and will continue to stand my ground what you suggest will probably never happen. Occasionally I fear that one day we'll go back to those dark times again, that everything will slowly begin to crumble, and this eats at me like a crow slowly picking my insides. But, nonetheless, through all that we've been through, one thing still stands true - I love you, baby, and nothing's going to change that. =)
I believe we're still living a fairytale, dear, because even fairytales have dark moments. Without such dark moments, the hero will never emerge. I'll hang on to our fairytale, and hopefully a happy ending awaits the both of us.
I know this entry sounds quite sad but really it's not. I guess I was in a reflective mood, as I usually am in when I've not enough sleep.
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